Thursday, May 29, 2008

Life is full of surprises!

I went to the bakery shop of my sister the other day because I missed eating her dice hopia filled with black mongo. Since my sister got bedridden, her youngest and only son takes over the management of the shop. While eating, we talked about a lot of things, trying to fill in the gaps of family news since we last saw each other. Mostly, we talked about our dogs (they have 11!). My son and my nephew compared notes about buying and selling breed dogs.

Suddenly, my nephew dropped a bombshell when he told me that his older sister, Elaine, who happens to be the closest niece I ever had (because she is only a year older than me), has cancer. The news shocked me because I never thought of her being sick. She has always been healthy, although a bit overweight. He said that she underwent a surgery on her gall bladder last month and they thought everything was fine after the operation. On Mother's Day, while she was having dinner with her children in a restaurant, she had a sudden stomach cramp and started vomiting so they rushed her to the hospital. More tests revealed she had cancer.

I wanted to see her, hug her, and comfort her. But what can one say to a dying person? When a person is sick, you visit and tell her that everything will be alright. But what if she's dying? How can you comfort a person who knows that she has only a few months to live? Would she like me to talk to her about her illness? About death? About religion? About life after death? About her children who will be left behind? Honestly, I don't know what I might even say when I go visit her.

So this morning, I just called her up. I told her that her brother told me she had a surgery and that I just wanted to know how she is now. She said she's fine and she sounded really fine, rather cheerful by the sound of her voice. Perhaps she was faking it, or perhaps she still is in the stage of denying how ill she is. Whether she is putting on a strong front or denying, the fact is, she doesn't want me to talk about it. It's so surprising that at times like this when you want to reach out your hand to comfort her and offer your shoulder to cry on, she chooses to ignore them. One thing left for me to do is pray that if there is indeed a miracle, I want her to have it. After all, God works in mysterious ways.
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Pinay Jade said...

I hope she can still recover.Is it still in the early stage?

Maybe she is not ignoring your comforting, she's probably just trying to stay positive and not think about her illness. I know deep inside she appreciates you calling her.

This made me think...if I had cancer and I am dying soon I wouldn't want to talk about death. I will try to do fun things that I always wanted to go to Hawaii, go diving or maybe just have a good laugh with my love ones.

I guess the best thing to do is make beautiful memories with her while she's still around.

OFF TOPIC: I updated the contest requirements.
Ec account is now optional. If you win the ECs and you don't have an EC account, I will just pick another winner.

So now you can still join and stand a chance to win the $25 or the ad spots at our sponsor's blogs.

The_Sphinx's World said...

It may still be in the early stage, I don't actually know. I wanted to ask but it seems inappropriate because she doesn't want to talk about it.

I'm trying to recall what things she enjoys most, and the one I can remember is "mahjong". She used to play the game before, when she was younger. The problem is, I don't know how to play it.

It's funny, I have been a SAHM for so long now that I rather forget how to enjoy life with other people.

OFF TOPIC: Yehey! I will go back to your site today and see what I can do to win. Hehehe!

Crissy said...

I'm sorry about Elaine. Maybe its quite shocking for her to know about her sickness and having kids to raise on. I guess one important thing you could keep on trying with her is to first ACCEPT the fact coz denial won't help her. There is power in our minds and positive thinking will help her a lot.

The_Sphinx's World said...

Hi Crissy,

Yes, I really think that she is still in denial about accepting her illness. Elaine is as sensitive as I am, and I really don't know how to go about opening this topic with her. I plan to invite her and her family on the 12th, which is my father-in-law's birthday. We might go the beach and I may have the right moment and the right words to have a heart-to-heart talk with her then.

I know she feels so alone now because she lost her husband years ago to cancer of the liver too. She has been raising her children alone, with a little help from her husband's family and my sister/her mother.

Barry said...

I pray she gets healed.

earthlingorgeous said...

Yuck, this kind of surprises is something not to look forward to.

I hope your sister recovers, a relative just had an operation for her breast cancer during the burial of my Aunt, it really sucks.


Off topic. I have a tag for you up on my Earthly Explorations blog.

Have a great week ahead!

The_Sphinx's World said...

Hi Barry!

I don't know if she'll get over this illness. Finally, I went to visit her yesterday and I was in shock! She lost half of her weight already. Since she was quite overweight, the change is cruel, the fat's gone and her flesh hung from her bones, you can even fold them around her arms! I fought hard not to cry, it really pains me to see her deteriorate this fast.

What makes it more shocking to me was that she was vomiting, even if she didn't take any solid food. I cried on my way home because I couldn't cry in front of her.

The_Sphinx's World said...

I hate it too, this feeling of helplessness! I wanted to help her so much but I can't, except giving her my moral support to boost her dwindling confidence to be well again. All I can do is to pray for her and pray real hard, for God to give her a miracle.

Thank you for the tag. Siguro, makakaya ko na ang pagpost dito ng tag mo, including the links. I just learned it when I experimented with Jade's contest.

Thanks again for the comment.

David Tamayo said...

I still am amazed at what our minds are able to accomplish. But the battle is to be fought by the one involved with the war. We can only be allies in support. Here in lies the key, The definition of victory is also defined by the one fighting the war. The ultimate decision to make would be for her to decide that she is healed and live life as if that were her reality. Friends and family have to support this belief as a part of their reality also. By doing this she is doing several things for herself. One, she is determining the outcome of this fight therefore owning her universe. This personal pride and satisfaction that comes with this will actually support positivity. The positive energy will begin to grow exponentially to her benefit. She will push herself past the apparent reality of her illness and create her own, this will make dealing with the pain and medication more bearable in her mind. This again pushes positivity.
Visualization of the cancer on everybody's part and the shrinking of it until it disappears is a great group exercise. Done gradually this becomes a reality for her and the family and friends. In short thinking positively is good but to live positivity like it is reality is completely another thing. Make goals together on her recovery. There can be no tears or doubt. Negativity must be non-existent. Please keep me posted , I really do care. =)

FANCY said...


I hope she can recover. I will send all the good vibration over to her. She is lucky to have so many around who care for her. All that love can do it a little bit easier for her.

Neil Jonathan said...

Hi David,

I'm sorry, I feel all my thinking systems are down, I am just so sad that I want to do nothing these days. I went to visit her again today, and I witnessed her pain. She was thrashing in bed and cried out for help. I feel her pain, and I feel miserable because I can do nothing. Pain killers can only blunt the pain a little and it comes back after a while. She said her goodbye to me, so I went out of the room and cried. I went home thinking that it might be better to let God take her, rather than let her bear this. Oh, I'm sorry, but I don't know what's right anymore.

Thanks anyway for all the prayers, everyone!

The_Sphinx's World said...

sorry, i used my son's account above.

The_Sphinx's World said...

Hi Fancy,

Thank you very much, I welcome all spiritual help now. God bless you too!

lin said...